Building Rapport Quickly

People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care!

Your ability to connect with others is crucial whether it's in your personal or professional life. The information in this article will help you build rapport with people more effectively so that you build relationships that make a difference.

Over the years I have found that many people simply don't know how to relate and connect with others. This is not something we learned in school. It took me many years to learn how to do this right. After 15 years of coaching clients, many years of communication classes like Dale Carnegie and Toastmasters, reading hundreds of books, a successful career in sales, and practicing this information, here's what I've learned:

Joy's Ground Rules For Building Rapport:

1. Listen! Listen deeply!!! Make sure you are present in the conversation and not thinking about your next appointment or your past in any way. People know if you're listening, so pay attention to the person you're with and give them your undivided attention.

2. Set your intention! This is extremely important. Whether it's a phone call or a meeting in person, know what you want to achieve in the conversation. Write it down. Knowing what you want is crucial because it keeps you focused and clear.

3. Ask good questions! People appreciate your questions especially if they are appropriate to the reason you have connected in the first place. For example, recently I called someone in Oregon with the intention of adding him to my network. I had met him briefly a while ago and identified him as someone who could help me in business. When I called him I reminded him about where and how we'd met. Then, I told him exactly why I wanted to talk with him and asked him if this was a good time to talk. Being the busy person he is, he appreciated my directness. The conversation lasted exactly 10 minutes. I was successful in building immediate rapport by asking good questions and listening to his answers. The conversation was in flow, and my directness told him I wasn't going to waste his time.

4. Paraphrase! When you're listening, really listening this step is easy. Say to the person, in your own words, what you've heard them say. For example, "Bill, what I'm hearing you say is that you're sensing that changes need to be made in your life and you're a little nervous about that. Is that what you're saying?" Ask for validation. This also helps you clarify in case you've heard something that is incorrect. It gives them the chance to rephrase. As you get good at this, people will feel you truly understand them. This builds rapport.

5. Stay in touch frequently! This is important especially if the person is a new client. The beginning stages of building the relationship can be a sensitive time. It takes time for people to trust you, and by staying in touch you're telling people that you care.

6. Understand Social Styles! There are 4 different Social Styles that people communicate with. They are; the driver, the analytical, the amiable, and the expressive. When you have this information and use it effectively, people open up to you. Read more about the Social Styles by clicking here: Understanding Social Styles

7. Be honest! Staying true to yourself and building trust helps reduce fear. If you trust yourself . . . that's everything! People know intuitively if you're trustworthy. They sense it. In this volatile world we live in "trust" is a big deal. Get clear on that. And by building rapport you establish trust in the relationship. Remember, people don't care how much you know until they know how much you care!

8. Get comfortable with "who" you are! Be willing to answer any question that is appropriate to the conversation. When you're comfortable with yourself, your answers come across with confidence. For example, a prospect recently asked me what the biggest hurdle was in my career. The question was appropriate to what we were talking about because she was facing a huge challenge and wanted to know how I personally handled mine. I told her that my biggest hurdle was learning how to SEE myself as a successful entrepreneur. Freely, I shared with her how my first 2 years of self-employment were a nightmare, and I almost hit rock bottom before I finally learned how to ask for help. I was out of money and was thinking about going back to my corporate job. Then, once I got my ego out of the way and asked for help, 5 wonderful people mentored me through the toughest hurdle in my life. I made it, but only after I learned that asking for help is a sign of strength and courage. Needless to say, she related to my story, hired me and "asked for help".

When you practice these principals, you will get so good at it that you will even use them in phone calls (usually your initial contact) and be able to get people to listen to you, take you seriously, and get to the core issues you want to talk about more quickly. I pride myself on being an expert on building rapport now, but I wasn't always good at it. I had to learn just like the rest of you. Now, I have over 1200 people in my email data base, over 700 people in my personal and professional network, and work as a coach with people in the U.S. and Canada. Currently, I'm expanding my work in the UK, Australia and Europe. If I didn't know how to build rapport quickly, I'd have been out of business years ago. Coaching can be an excellent way to learn rapport building. When your intention is clear, you'll be amazed at how quickly you learn this skill.

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